Go Back to Top

Blog Candy

Blended families are the new normal

Oct 04, 2016 | Candice King

11913898 10153122429382108 8053166812657298619 N

At my daughter’s netball tournament a couple weekends ago she said something to me that prompted me to write this post. We were talking when we saw her friends' parents; but her parents are no longer together. The dad had actually brought his new girlfriend and the mother is pregnant with her new boyfriends baby. My daughter turned to me and said ‘that’s weird’. To that I responded, ‘baby, sometimes that’s how life work’s. They’re adults and they’re getting along.’ I think it was weird for her because it’s a situation she has yet to experience. 

I come from a blended family and that’s why I can relate and why I think I am equipped to handle my kids feelings the day we find ourselves in that situation. I come from a family of three girls - from my parents - but my dad remarried someone with two kids and then went on to have a son with his wife. We then became a family with six kids. Initially I found it hard because I lived with my mom full time, which meant that other kids were spending more time with my dad than I was. But once I got over it, it was really quite fun having so many siblings. Yes, they became my siblings. Not my stepbrother’s and stepsister, my actual siblings. It didn’t matter to me that we didn’t share a mother and father. They were, ARE, my siblings and I love them dearly.

Earlier I said ‘when we find ourselves in that situation’, I said that on purpose. I said it because I have always wanted to be a mother of three kids because I love love LOVE family. After the trauma that was my second pregnancy, I can never see myself getting pregnant again. That doesn’t mean I can’t still be a mother of three – or four - right? I actually want to date someone with kids. Some people won’t understand why but here’s why I want that … besides wanting to have more than two kids, I find that for the most part, parents understand the responsibilities of other parents and that’s not to say that non-parents don’t.

In my post about dating in your thirties, I said dating with kids is hard. Some people are turned off by someone who have kids, and won’t date them, not me. There is just something so attractive about a good parent. The start of a blended family is never easy. As a parent, you don’t want your child to think they’re being replaced, nor do you want your partners child/ren to feel like they’re being treated differently. So here’s my approach, love your partner’s child as if they were your own. Make a genuine effort to bond with your partner’s child and don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. Don’t force a relationship; let it happen naturally. You know how you would want your kids to be treated by your ex’s new partner so do that … treat all kids the same!

I know this much, it will take someone really special to join my family and change the dynamic.

Cheers to the blended families who make it work!

'A stepparent is so much more than just a parent! They made the choice to love when they did not have to!'

  • Amazing. Fully agree with every statement made here.

  • Amazing. Fully agree with every statement made here.