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Dating in your thirties…

Sep 22, 2016 | Candice King

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There comes a time in your life when you appreciate being single. Alone time to sit quietly, take a long bath, watch a movie, go out and have fun etc., but there’s another side to it. The side that most people don’t tell you about. The lonely side. 

But dating in your thirties can be quite daunting when you’ve been single for a while; more so when you’re single with kids. Dating and starting a new relationship is tough. First of all, where do you meet people? Secondly, where do you meet people who are worth your time? I don’t mean that in a bad way, but I find that nowadays, people date to pass time rather than dating with a purpose. I don’t understand why you would want to invest so much of your time with someone without an end goal? Life is too short and time is too precious to waste.

After ending my long-term relationship, I won’t lie, I enjoyed being single again because the last time I was single, I was in my teens. Being single after such a long relationship was a change. One that I enjoyed, and needed. Not because I wanted to go out and sow my oats or anything like that, but because I needed time and space to find myself again and to figure out who I was and what I wanted in life and I think I did that.

It’s been three years, nine months since my last relationship and I now feel like I am ready to get back out there. Actually, I’ve felt that way for a while but here’s the thing … I won’t settle, not for myself, and definitely not for my kids.

I have and still do get requests for dates but I don’t accept them. Why? Because the guys that ask me on dates aren’t the guys I see myself with long-term. If I do decide to accept a date request, it would be because I like what I see, because I see potential in you, and because I want to get to know you better to see where it leads. I won’t accept a date because I’m lonely. I would much rather lie on the couch catching up on series than pretending I’m interested in someone.

Another reason I turn down dates is because adults who get sloshed every weekend and party in the week are not attractive – to me. That was my lifestyle when I was a teenager – I grew up. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t go out and party when you’re in your thirties. What I am saying is doing it habitually won’t find you someone who is serious about you. You may find someone for the night but not someone for life. But hey, if you’re looking for someone for the night, then more power to you. I’m just not that person nor am I looking for that person.

That is of course my preference and my opinion. On the other hand, some people won’t date someone with kids and that’s okay. I will never judge someone who chooses not to date someone with kids. That is their preference and dating someone with kids, especially if you don’t have any, is a lifestyle change. That lifestyle isn’t for everyone and that’s perfectly fine. However, if you are turned off by the thought of dating a parent then the flaw sits with you. Why wouldn’t you want to date someone who has and shows unconditional love for other people? If they love that deeply, imagine how they will love you?

I stumbled across a post on the ‘Single Dad Laughing’ page on Facebook that I’m sure single moms can relate to. Here it is …

‘I always wonder why some men are put off by single mothers. They seem to have this perception of them as desperate or clingy. Most single mothers run their own home, pay their own bills, look after themselves AND their kids while holding down a job and everything else life throws at them. So, actually you should just be thankful she has time for your stupid face in her life at all’

Until I find someone who is on the same page, I shall remain single

  • Mike Christian

    Well said young lady

    • Candice King

      Thank you very much :)

  • Jill Bowes

    Well sd Candice, i totally agree witj u on this.

    • Candice King

      Thank you Jill xxx

  • Leanne Neethling

    Love the article! Looking forward to the next one!

    • Candice King

      Thank you Leanne x Next one written and coming soon :D