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Getting over someone you weren’t in a relationship with

Sep 06, 2017 | Candice King

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I recently read an article that really hit home, not just because I’ve experienced it, but because my friends have experienced it too. Having strong feelings for or loving someone you weren’t in a relationship with is real. Losing that person is even more real. 

The hardest part about losing that person is that you didn’t get the opportunity to give it a proper try – for whatever reason. Trying and failing is better than failing to try.  This is where the hurt comes in. You saw potential in someone that didn’t see potential in you. There will always be that ‘what if’.

You allowed yourself to open up to the possibility of love. You allowed that person to see the you that not everyone gets to see. You shared secrets, what makes you cry, laughs, feelings, hugs, kisses and time spent together getting to know each other and for what? To have that person lead you to believe that there was a possibility of a future when they knew they couldn’t give you what you were looking for, what you wanted and what you needed.

There were so many blurred lines, so much unsurety because there were no labels. You looked for validation despite this because you are/were emotionally invested. You cling to the hope that some day, they will see what you have to offer, that something could come of this. Then, reality hits you like a ton of bricks when you realize that the time and emotion you invested, is over.

When it ends, people expect you to be okay because ‘you weren’t even in a relationship.’ Just because you weren’t in an official relationship, doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to hurt! You invested time and effort and you have earned the right to feel the pain that comes with a break up. You loved just as much as you would’ve had you been in a relationship. You can’t just turn your feelings off – you shouldn’t have to. It took time to feel what you felt and you need time to get over what you feel - in your time.

You’ve come to the realization that you aren’t going to be with them, that you won’t be getting the happy ending you so often dreamt about. You have to make yourself understand that sometimes things don’t work out and this is one of those times. You know that you need to let go but you just aren’t ready to delete the photos, the messages, the mails and their numbers. You need time to be okay with letting go. It can take days, weeks or months to get over the memories you created and to move on and that’s okay.

Your feelings were/are real and no one can tell you otherwise. No one can tell you to let it go and to get over it. Don’t ever allow anyone to dismiss your feelings because they weren’t there, they didn’t feel what you felt, they didn’t hurt the way you hurt. Whether or not you spend six weeks or six months getting to know someone is irrelevant – time is irrelevant. The heart wants what it wants and you shouldn’t question it.

Despite the pain you felt and may be feeling, you should never apologise for loving the way you do. Too many things in life are mediocre, love shouldn’t be one of them. Taking risks is a scary thing but the rewards can be so much greater than you imagined. Not everyone deserves you but the person that is truly meant for you will never let you fight for a spot in their lives. They will never leave you wondering where you stand, it will be clear. That person is out there searching for you whilst you’re searching for them.


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