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That time I was called selfish

Apr 19, 2017 | Candice King

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Over the years, I’ve been called a lot – good and bad, and for the most part I take it with a pinch of salt because everyone is going to have an opinion about me whether they know me or not. Being called selfish however, rubbed me up the wrong way and made me defensive.

I’ve always thought that since my body belongs to me, I should have a say regarding what I put it through. According to one guy, that’s not the case. To him, I am selfish for not wanting to have another baby. Surely having another baby should be my choice and no one else’s since I’m the one carrying the child?

Why did I get so defensive you may wonder? Those who are close to me know what a tough time I had during my second pregnancy; it was anything but stress-free. From a mere 5 weeks pregnant, I started having cramps, cramps which lasted my entire pregnancy and saw me in hospital at 6 ½ months pregnant because the nurses thought I was in early labour. Scary! I had terrible morning sickness throughout and for the most part I was uncomfortable and in pain.

To make matters worse, I felt my entire labour and birth as the epidural was given to me too late and therefore didn’t take effect. Needless to say, I am less than eager to put my body and myself through that again. Actually, for the last 5 years I have been dead set against ever physically having another baby again. I was traumatised by the experience – I still am.

In previous blog posts I mentioned that I wanted to be with someone who had kids. This is one of the biggest reasons why. Dating someone without kids could potentially mean that in the future they would want kids and not being sure if I ever wanted to have more kids, I think it would be unfair of me to a) deny them the opportunity to be a father b) give him the impression that I may want kids in the future when I don’t know that for sure.

Being with someone who has a child/children would mean that if I decided never to have more kids of my own, we would be okay because we wouldn’t be lacking in the kids department. I still feel like I cannot go through another pregnancy but I cannot say for sure that I won’t change my mind 2 years from now. I may, but I may not and I need to be with someone who is okay with whatever I decide.

For me, selfish is having a child that I am not even sure I want. I will not have another baby because it’s an expectation. If I were to ever do it again, it would be because I 100% want to birth another child. Right now, I prefer having step-kids as opposed to physically having more of my own. I may not have birthed them, but they would still be my children.

So to the guy who called me selfish, you have no idea what I have been through so it is truly unfair to make that assumption. I absolutely adore kids but having to put myself through that again is something I am in no hurry for.