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Why I find it so hard to be a woman

Mar 08, 2017 | Candice King

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For the last few weeks I have wanted to write about my feelings regarding this topic and I think today, being International Women’s Day, it’s just fitting that I actually took the time out to write it. 

The hardest part about being a woman today is the harsh criticism we receive daily, and from other women no less. Isn’t it bad enough that men have ideas about what a woman should be and look like? Thin, long hair, big boobs,  ‘ladylike’, domesticated, equal or more in the household etc etc, the list goes on. Not all men are like that and to them I say thank you. Thank you for accepting that women come in different shapes and sizes and thank you for loving us for the neurotic beings we sometimes are.

But women! Wow. It baffles me that some women, in this day and age act like stepford wives and then ridicule others for not being who THEY think we should be and what they think we should represent. Its okay to not live in your husbands shadow and it’s okay to be an individual and have fun without your family in tow. I hate to break it to you, in this century; women can be whatever they want to be! We don’t come with manuals.

I know for a fact that being a single mother, married women judge me. Like how dare I walk out of an unhappy relationship?! How dare I go to a club or have a glass of wine in the week? Shame on me. Here’s an idea, why don’t you lighten up and do the same? You might enjoy it. I know that being a mother with piercings and tattoos shocks people. Guess what, I am still a person outside of being a mother and I will do what I like if it makes me happy. At the end of the day, I don’t answer to anyone because no one else is responsible for my happiness but me.

I don’t know why women think that because they are married, they love their partners more or harder than I would because I am unmarried. Did you ever stop to think that because I have been hurt in the past, that I will love and appreciate my next partner that much more because he made me believe in love again? Do you think your family is the ideal because you have a husband and 2.5 kids, and a dog and white picket fence? Blended families are the new normal! Do you think that because you don’t swear in front of your kids that you’re a better parent than me? Let me love and parent the way I see fit and don’t criticize me because I run my life differently to the way you run yours. 

Now, let me get started on appearance. Why is okay for women to call other women fat or thin? Who are you to judge? If someone is happy in their skin, leave them be. If they aren’t, let them decide for themselves to change that without your unwanted 2c worth. If its not the shape or size of your waistline, it’s the fact that you don’t have big perky boobs or because you have cellulite or stretch marks. Really? These are the things that occupy your mind? I have a less than perfect body and I am okay with that. I carried and birthed 2 beautiful kids and never getting my pre-baby body back is the sacrifice that I made to have them and I wouldn’t change it.

It’s sad to say that I used to be a judgmental female. I used to wonder why other women acted the way they did and didn’t parent the way I did but thankfully, I grew up. I realized that every situation is different and there is no right way to do things. Don’t let society guide you. You do the best you can at the time and hope that it’s enough.

I am a tattooed, pierced, foul-mouthed single mother with cellulite and stretch marks who enjoys a night out and a glass of alcohol and I will not apologise for it.

Rather than ridicule and belittle each other, let’s support each others accomplishments and let’s be there for each other when we really need to be rather than kick each other when we down.

And with that being said, I need a glass of wine. 

  • Marlon Moses

    one word for this BRILLIANT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thank you Marlon :)

  • Jermaine


    Beautifully said and right on point!!!

  • Fazielah Williams

    Raising my glass of wine over here to you, Candy! Love, love this post!